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I grew up without a father. My mother brought me up, if you can call it upbringing. Most of all she was concerned with her own life. Men came to our house very often, then went, often mother did not come home until the next day. She paid much less attention to me then she did to her men. I was often present in the room when they had sex, and I did not like it. All those sounds, puffing and fuss in the dark, or in the dim light of a night lamp... They behaved as if I did not exist there at all. When I grew up it became worse. She treated me as a kind of a friend. She expected understanding on my behalf! When she needed to bring another man in, she would ask me to stay overnight at my friends' or elsewhere. She would give me a wink and say: 'well, you understand, don't you!' I did not want to understand, I felt embarrassed to ask my friends to let me stay overnight at their places. I had to explain something, lie, invent excuses (so that their parents understood correctly). That was all very depressing. Once, I arranged to stay the night at a friend's place, but when I got there, there was nobody home. I decided to wait and set on the windowsill at the landing between floors in her apartment building. Time passed by, it was already dark, but they were not back yet. People passed by, looked at me, it was pretty embarrassing. But it was too late to change plans anyway, so I decided to wait as long as I had to (or spend the night there on the windowsill in the worst case). A man with a dog passed by me, going downstairs, looked at me in surprise. When he returned he asked me what I was doing there at night. I told him I was waiting for Natashka. Then he said he saw her family earlier that day, they were leaving for dacha, so there was no point in waiting. He suggested I went to his place with him, but I refused. He shrugged his shoulders and went with his dog. About 40 minutes passed. It was getting pretty cold and I became sorry I decided to stay overnight there. And here the door on the top floor opened again and the man got out. Again he asked me to come in and have some tea at least. I was cold, so I decided to come in.
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